It’s freezing cold here. I mean minus 35 with the wind chill, huddle under the covers, get frostbite in seconds kind of cold. For you non-Canadian readers, and hey I might have a few people that have actually read this blog from the warmer climates, its the kind of day perfect for sharing body heat and a foaming, mint hot chocolate.
She says in her opening " If I had a choice between reading a good book and having sex, the book wins. I notice I put in the adjective "good" – and that leaves me wondering if I’m not trying to put a better face on things. But my boyfriend-the man I would eventually marry- would take even bad sex over a good book."
It’s the best book I’ve ever read ( and I think I’ve read them all published in the last five years) on female sexual dysfunction or the phenomenon known as low libido. Sewell tries everything, therapy, chocolate frosting, leather and fishnets, tantric, and sensate focused experiences to get her in the mood, and writes about all of them with wit and candor. She finally comes up with a sex contract with her husband where she can control the time, type and duration of sex, and it seems to work for them.
Funny, my type of therapy would be to endorse hormonal creams, a blood test and look at more physical options, but her results seem to work for her relationship. I’m really glad I read it. One of the things I found interesting was her husband’s desire for visual stimulation. If he can’t have sex, it’s enough for him to see her sexily dressed around the house, when only he could see her. I asked my partner if that was a turn on for him (all decked out in my sweat pants and no bra), and said that as long as I was clean, he could get turned on by me in a burlap sack. A good illustration of male sexual desires as summed up on page 114 of Sewell"s book:
"Might not hormonal differences between men and women answer a heap of questions about why men are the way they are? Like why men will sleep with just about anyone who offers; like why mn approach sex like a Hometown Buffet- they want endless variety and big heaping helpings; like why men can use any object asa a fetish onject; like why a man’s dream come true is sleeping with all of the Dallas cowboys cheerleaders at once, while a women’s dream bacchanal is to shop, eat, and not gain weight."