Oprah came to Ottawa this month to talk about love, the universe and her awesome shoes. Women came from all over to be inspired, connect with other great women, and hear about what’s relevant to modern women. She spoke about finding the beauty in yourself. I think it’s a great message for dating. Be all that you can be and people will be attracted to you. It always sounds better when Oprah deliver the content. Like most women, it was a reminder to be gentle with our own lives and that we have far more to offer than we might have originally thought.
I wanted to summarize what I took out of it and later regurgitated to my patients. Given that many of the women I’m seeing these days are single and trying to gather up the wherewithal to jump back out into the dating circuit I tried to tie it together with some dating advice that keeps coming up. My first attempt wasn’t as graceful, (apologies), so here we are again.
Work on your own self image. All the dating coaches outline that the first thing you need to do before going out on the love circuit is to work on what makes yourself feel beautiful, self esteem and looking the best you can be. I have a secret to share with you. Most of the time what you see ‘out there’ is rarely ever a true representation of what actually is. You see, it’s easy to get caught in the ‘perfection’ of other people’s lives and miss out on the beauty of our own life”. The problem is, when we are not happy in our lives, we bring that energy into our personal relationships. When you don’t know who YOU are, you will fall for anything and everyone OR you will continue to push away a potential partner because you believe dating has to be hard and how could it be this easy.” Think No BS. As a sex therapist I know that “men are looking for kind women that look good, who like sex.” Dating is the time to re-jig your look and spend some time honing the packaging. If you are really stuck, call the local modelling agencies. They can usually recommend an image consultant that will take you from geeky to gorgeous.
oh ps. Give the nice guy/girl a chance. Kind people don’t always finish last. I hear from my patients all the time. There is something about the bad apple that makes us weak in the knees. I wish I had given all the High School geeks more time when I had the chance. They all grew up to get amazing jobs and treat the women in their lives like princesses.
I tell women to look twice at the short guys, and for men to know that the “librarian types” usually burn hot. Don’t be shallow. Look past the looks, past the way he fills out his wallet, and find out if he/she makes you smile.