Understanding men and being in relationships can be a little “chewy”. And I’m not the only one that agrees. In a recent article about Angelina Jolie and her new movie The Tourist (where she looks amazingly beautiful, and the clothes are to die for) talks about her need to have men in her life.
“I have drowned in being deep and complicated and dark. As I have gotten older, I have found more sense of centre and of confidence, especially around relationships”.
She parents six (count em’) six kids with husband Brad Pitt. She is a UN Ambassador, and gives a third of her income to charity. She no longer has to tattoo the name of her lover on her arm or carry a bottle of his blood around her neck.
This is the message I keep reminding my patients. That the stronger and more independent you are on your own, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex. Jolie plays the bad girl role well (who can forget Laura Croft?), and now embraces her power and sex appeal as the mystery woman in The Tourist. I think men prefer that to the kittenish barbie-doll playmates who haven’t the depth. It’s about authenticity.
Take the example of Canadian born, New Zealand raised actress Anna Paquin. She stars as Sookie Stackhouse in my favourite series True Blood (I’m such an addict). She has a gap in her front teeth, acts without pretense and tries hard to stay under the radar when not on stage. Sexy and authentic. She has a relationship with on-screen Love Vampire Bill but they work to have fun and not get too hyped up with the Hollywood nonsense.
I have some suggestions for staying authentic and attractive.
Show up whole and human. Show up for everyone. Give yourself the time — and the you — you would give your best friend.
Talk in your authentic voice. A good part of authenticity is knowing when we’re hiding behind our history. Another good part is seeing and admitting when we’re feeling one thing and saying that we feel something quite different. Choose the authentic kind words that express who you are now and what you are feeling.
Tell your own truth.We all grew up with “tape recordings in our heads” that contradict what we know is true about ourselves.
Be real. Know that some days are chewy. You won’t be at your best and that’s okay. Love and appreciate yourself and your partner. That is what I make an effort to do every day. I tell my family, my sweetie, and my kids that I love them daily with as much emphasis as I can muster.
Trying to walk the walk. Like Anna and Angelina.